they called me the door to eden (fey_seraph) wrote in justsaynotomeds,
they called me the door to eden
fey_seraph
justsaynotomeds

(Schizotypal:
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.)

It said it was evidenced by a person beliving that they had ESP, having unusual thought patterns, saying things that others do not understand or that are long winded, wishing to be alone often, etc. These are actually disorders? Can the medical profession actually deny the existance, proven in many ways, of certain persons having ESP? Yes, I do believe I have moderate ESP abilities. they have been proven time and time again, almost every day.

Are my thought patterns somewhat different from most's? I would hope so. What's so wrong with being like the rest of the world? "Nothing, if you don't look at the world." Yes, my brain makes strange comparisons, strange analogies, odd symbolistic paths of thought. Not like the sane people who run our country, of course. They're thoughts run quite normally, I'm sure.

Sure, people sometimes do not know what I am talking about, and sometmes it is much easier for me to simply be alone than to deal with the great divide that is often present between myself and those around me. I live my life for enlightenment and profound change in my world. I may not always succeed, but it is without a doubt why I live at all. Oops. Most people, well, don't. It can be hard to integrate into a culture of tv-raised, diversion-seeking, party people. There are few, few people who I relate to at all.

Eccentric behavior? yes, thank you. I wouldn't give it up for the world. You (hypothetical) may like to rip through the wilderness on a snowmobile at 70 mph, endangering your life and causing noise and air pollution, going fast enough so that the adreniline rush cleans out all the doubts and quiet desperations of your life. that's normal. I have in the past enjoyed quietly cuddling with mannequins in the garden. Not normal. Medicate me that I may become like you.

What we are dealing with here is more than my beef with schizotypal personality disorder in particular. i believe that many personality and mental disorders are NOT pathogenic, and should not be ELIMINATED but instead CHANNELLED into productive channels such as art and spirituality. People who have "mental disorders" are special, chosen people. In many cultures gone by around the world, they were the healers and medicine people, the gurus and religious leaders, because their people believed that their "vision", "tremors", their sensitivity and their pains were indicative of their spiritual path. The shaminic cultures knew who their shamens were because in their teens or earlier these people would experience what would today be termed as a mental breakdown. These were regarded as their Tests and their rebirth. As adults, these individuals would become highly enlightened individuals.

unfortunately, in this culture difference is not celebrated. Recall, if you have read Faranheit 451, a culture in which celebration of nature is considered a behavioral problem. A young girl is forced to attend therapy because she enjoys gardening, knitting and walking around and "looking at things", talking and just "being"-- not interacting with TV screens like her neighbors or driving too fast. She differed. It was considered pathogenic. I differ. It is considered pathogenic. And please keep in mind that I am not referring to the silly online test that is but a tiny indicator of the cultural standpoint. I have been diagnosed with 4 (count 'em) mental disorders. I do not accept my diagnoses as a disease but rather as a test or challenge. I overcame them. I would not give up that experience for anything. I am very, very lucky to have been "clinically depressed," "majorly depressed," "obsessive-compulsive," and to have had "panic-anxiety disorder." I feel. I create. I AM. My sanity is not the same as yours, and yours is not the same as anyone else's.

Why must we all agree on one reality, one way of being? Why is diversity such an ugly thing? Oh, if only we were all the same. That goal is what so many want to accomplish. Religions seek to convert or kill those who are different; governments seek to annihilate other governments that are not run in the same way; individuals practice violence and hate against those who are black, gay, female, male, asian, hispanic, transgender, multiethnic, or just defenseless. And in relation to what I am saying above, Western culture and its psychiatrists attempt to reform those who break the mental mold. After all, that mental mold is what put them in power and keeps the money coming in. It is the "me and those like me first" attitude that keeps the money away from the poor, the justice system corrupt, the religion in politics, the pollution in the air, and the politicians in power.

Too grandiose? My apologies.
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